'I sing for joy at the works of Your hands.." - Psalm 92:4
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
So, tomorrow is the big day! I will be induced bright and early in the morning at 5am. I woke up this morning feeling nauseated.. I'm a mixed bag of emotions. I am so excited because I can't wait to meet my daughter for the first time, but I'm also anxious and scared because I want everything to go smoothly and for her to have a safe and healthy delivery. I'm also very reflective today. It's been a quiet, rainy day that has allowed me ample time to think. I am overcome with thankfulness for the Lord's blessings. This time last year, in the month of October, Adam and I miscarried our first baby. It was one of those numbing moments for us. Overcome with loss, sorrow, deep hurt, emptiness, I found myself asking the Lord "What's next?" I remember praying to God and saying "Lord, I have nothing to say." and that was truly my heart. I was for once in my life at a loss for words. I didn't understand why this horrible thing had happened to us, and honestly I wasn't angry, I was just empty. I was so hurt and I couldn't even find the words to pray. It took a lot of healing, many nights of crying myself to sleep, and a lot of prayers from the faithful believers that are my friends and family, until finally I was ok again. Today I thought about the baby that I lost and I allowed myself a few minutes to cry. I cried because I still grieve my baby, but also I cried because I am overwhelmed at the Lord's goodness. Last year we lost a baby. This year God is giving us another one. Wow. How great is our God? It just blows me away. Most of the time I can't see the big picture. I don't understand why things happen they way that they do, but one thing is for certain, the Lord never leaves us nor forsakes us. He is forever faithful.