Tuesday, November 2, 2010


So, tomorrow is the big day! I will be induced bright and early in the morning at 5am. I woke up this morning feeling nauseated.. I'm a mixed bag of emotions. I am so excited because I can't wait to meet my daughter for the first time, but I'm also anxious and scared because I want everything to go smoothly and for her to have a safe and healthy delivery. I'm also very reflective today. It's been a quiet, rainy day that has allowed me ample time to think. I am overcome with thankfulness for the Lord's blessings. This time last year, in the month of October, Adam and I miscarried our first baby. It was one of those numbing moments for us. Overcome with loss, sorrow, deep hurt, emptiness, I found myself asking the Lord "What's next?" I remember praying to God and saying "Lord, I have nothing to say." and that was truly my heart. I was for once in my life at a loss for words. I didn't understand why this horrible thing had happened to us, and honestly I wasn't angry, I was just empty. I was so hurt and I couldn't even find the words to pray. It took a lot of healing, many nights of crying myself to sleep, and a lot of prayers from the faithful believers that are my friends and family, until finally I was ok again. Today I thought about the baby that I lost and I allowed myself a few minutes to cry. I cried because I still grieve my baby, but also I cried because I am overwhelmed at the Lord's goodness. Last year we lost a baby. This year God is giving us another one. Wow. How great is our God? It just blows me away. Most of the time I can't see the big picture. I don't understand why things happen they way that they do, but one thing is for certain, the Lord never leaves us nor forsakes us. He is forever faithful.
'I sing for joy at the works of Your hands.." - Psalm 92:4